Halloween Candy Has Got Nothing on These Ole Red Desserts

Yes, the Absolutely Obnoxious Lucky Charm Sundae is as obnoxious as it promises itself to be.

Death by Chocolate Sheet Cake

There’s nothing quite like eating grandma’s sheet cake as a kid, but this one probably could’ve toppled you. Six layers of moist chocolate cake each get a sinful coating of vanilla buttercream frosting before the whole cake is drizzled with chocolate and caramel glazes. We stuck a giant knife in it (how else are you going to cut it?) unless you want to go all Bruce Bogtrotter on that thing and eat it with your hands and reenact that scene from Matilda. You can do it, Brucie. But probably not because people (mainly us) will look at you weird.

Absolutely Obnoxious Lucky Charm Sundae

A freakshake straight out of Dr. Frankenstein’s book, the Absolutely Obnoxious Lucky Charm Sundae is a monster served in a lab beaker. A dessert you’ll want to tackle with your friends, the sundae’s backbone is its hearty scoops of Lucky Charms cereal milk ice cream. That’s right, before it’s added to the ice cream batter, the milk soaks up all the flavor from your favorite childhood cereal. (Not that we totally just didn’t eat a bowl for breakfast. Hi. We’re adults.) The ice cream is then topped with whipped cream, a homemade cookie that has more sprinkles than Broadway has bachelorette parties, and a bunch of doughnut holes on a stick. At Ole Red, we’ve got the same philosophy as Blake: “just give us the marshmallows.” That’s why we’ve rolled our scratch-made doughnut holes in ’em. Boo-yah. You are getting veryyyyyyy hungry.

Turtle Funnel Cake

A beloved fair food gets a new spin at Ole Red. This turtle funnel cake is the Goldilocks of any funnel cake we’ve ever tasted. The slightly crunchy golden-brown exterior gives way to a spongy inside that melts in your mouth. We see your powdered sugar and raise you caramel, chocolate, and pecans. What’s that? Sugar is bad for you? Sorry, couldn’t hear you over the sound of our taste buds living their best lives.

 

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Katie Quine

Katie Quine is a digital marketing coordinator for Opry Entertainment. She believes Dolly Parton is one of the greatest philosophers the world has ever known.